This morning I took Elliot along to our local playgroup. We've been lots before and we enjoy going - there's lots of toys to play with and everyone seems friendly. It's for pre-school children so there are a real mix of ages but Elliot is just over 2 and was one of the bigger ones there today. It is in quite a large room but with chairs all around the outside it's easy to take a seat and keep an eye on your child. Elliot was busy playing with the trains over the other side of room and he was quite happy pushing the trains around the track. I must have taken my eyes off him for a few minutes because the next thing I see is one of the mums march over to Elliot, grab him by the arm and hoist him up!!! I went over and took Elliot from her (she was still holding his arm) and she said Elliot had been hitting her child over the head. Whilst Elliot definitely shouldn't have been hitting someone over the head, I think the way she grabbed his arm was totally over the top and quite frankly made me very angry. I told her not to touch my child's arm and took Elliot back to our seat but in hindsight I'm wondering whether I should have said something else. To be honest I was shocked at the way she handled it and actually she spent the rest of the playgroup talking to her friend and looking in our direction. My ears were definitely burning!
I would have preferred for her to come over to me and say that Elliot had hit her child and I would have got Elliot to apologise etc. But instead I got home feeling pretty angry and upset about the whole situation. I've lost count of the times Elliot has been pushed or whacked over the head, toddlers are funny little things and these things do happen! I would certainly never grab another child by the arm!
How would you have handled the situation? Is it ever right to grab a child's arm when they've done something wrong?
I think that is terrible, I have been on both sides of this, my son was constantly hit and no one did anything about it (at preschool) yet me daughter is a hitter and a biter.
ReplyDeleteI personally feel no one should man handle your child, I wouldn't do that to my own child I feel especially in this situation it sets a bad precedent - you can't be agressive but I can (just my opinion).
I try to shout No very loudly if someone is hitting another child (my child hitting, someone hitting my child or just 2 children whose parents are distracted as we all know it happens and I know I wouldn't take offence). Usually shouting No alerts the parents involved and shocks the child (my child included if they are the one doing the hitting).
I then believe the child should apologise to the child so both children understand it is not the way to behave. This is my opinion based on having 2 very different children. I certainly do not think she should have acted how she did and if the children were given the chance to apologise, hug it out or shake hands she would then have no need to be such a cow.
I hope you aren't too upset it is so difficult to get right I am sure people wouldn't agree with my methods but man handling a child seems too aggressive. I probably would have shouted at her but then that may have made things worse. Big hugs x x x
Thank you for your reply Sadie, I agree with lots of your points! xx
DeleteI think you had every right to be angry. That was not an appropriate response at all. It it were me I would have asked your son nicely not to do it whilst looking around for your attention so you could deal with it how you saw fit. To man handle someone else's child is not on, ever! #binkylinky
ReplyDeleteThank you, its reassuring to hear I'm not over reacting and others feel the same! x
DeleteYou definitely had a right to be angry. It's one thing to stop someone else's child from hitting your own - by gently blocking their hits and removing your own child from the situation - it's a completely different thing to manhandle a child who isn't your own. She should have drawn your attention to the situation. Also, like you said, toddlers do things like this all the time. It's part of going to playgroup and if that other mother can't handle it rationally, she's the one who needs to take a step back. If I saw a child hitting Pumpkin at playgroup, I would never get mad about it - at least not in the first instance and especially if they were too little to know better. Ooh, now I'm mad for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, I do agree with all your points!! Going back to the playgroup tomorrow so hoping she won't be there, eek! x
DeleteI agree with Shannon. I would have been angry too and in the spur of the moment I would have probably reacted the same. Thanks for linking up to the #BinkyLinky
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